Crocs on a Plane! (The Obvious Egyptian Sequel)

An EgyptAir flight out of Abu Dhabi was nearly overrun by a baby crocodile en route to Cairo recently. Okay, "overrun" might be a stretch, but you saw what happened when they let those damn snakes on the plane, right?

Anyway, apparently someone had the foot-long baby croc in their hand luggage and the sucker wriggled free, started running up and down the isles and caused a panic among the passengers. Because, as you know, crocodiles and alligators -- even baby ones -- are freaking scary.

The EgyptAir flight crew eventually wrangled up the animal -- apparently it's much more kosher to tackle a grown man who's naked than it is to kick a baby crocodile -- and none of the passengers claimed the croc, probably because it's absolutely, 100% illegal to transport exotic animals in and out of Egypt (hence keeping a foot-long freaking gator in your hand-held luggage).

Anyway, when reached for comment, Samuel L. Jackson had this to say: "I. Smell. A Sequel. SON."

According to the TSA, Hand Grenades Are 'Not Carry Ons'

Surely there's no reason why the TSA Blog (yes, they have one) needs to explain that hand grenades are not valid "carry-ons" right? Wrong!

They do. And they did -- yesterday in fact, when "Blogger Bob" of the "TSA Blog Team" outlined why grenades are not acceptable items for carrying on an airplane. Of course, most of the article focuses on the fact that people routinely bring different "novelty hand grenade items" into airports and onto airplanes.

So why is it such a big deal if the grenades are inert or just a novelty item? Well, that’s why passengers usually don’t think twice about bringing these items. They know inert grenades or novelty grenade shaped items can’t cause any harm. However, we don’t know that. All we see on the x-ray is a realistic image of a grenade complete with pin and spoon and we have to go through the motions.

People: stop being so stupid. Seriously. You (yes, you, guy with a belt buckle shaped like a hand grenade and the haircut that makes Joe Dirt look like Don Draper) seriously caused our government to pay Blogger Bob and the Team TSA $19.50 -- standard blog pay + government inflation -- because you won't stop walking into the airport with items shaped like hand grenades.

Typically, I am loathe to credit the TSA for anything (although I do have a long overdue story about a TSA agent in Boston who saved my computer's life that is forthcoming), but gracious. This is on the collective genius of the American people.

(Ed. Note: For those so persnickety about the spelling of grenades, please note we were using the Southern phonetic spelling. Thanks much.)

Mexico City Is Handing Out Free Health Insurance to Tourists

Mexico City is having an awfully tough time pulling in tourists. Why? Well, there's this little "Swine Flu" thing that people are all hung up on (you may also have heard of H1N1?) and it's keeping tourists away from the border.

But fear not, dear traveller, for the kind Mexico City Tourism Board has a solution for you: free health insurance.

That's right: as an incentive to increase tourism to Mexico, the city's tourism office teamed up with (well, "teamed" may be too nice a word) MAPFRE, a private insurance company.

Anyone staying at a Mexico City hotel is eligible for coverage, officials said, and can get help by dialing a call center, which will have attendants fluent in English, French, German, Portuguese and Spanish. A deductible will apply for some services, but officials did not provide details.

Obviously, in an ideal world, this isn't even an issue and everyone goes to Mexico City, doesn't contract H1N1 and gets to come home without having to pay any deductible or visit any Mexico City hospitals.

Well, actually, in an ideal world, my bosses call me into their offices and say, "Hey, you! You're great. Here's a two-week vacation to Cancun. Enjoy!" And then I go there and don't get H1N1 and actually get offered a job blogging about paradise from a cabana and never have to come back to America. But things don't always work out like we want.

So, um, yeah. The point I was trying to make is that it seems pretty clear -- based on the potential financial loss here -- that Mexico is safe now. Right? Or maybe not. Regardless, it's just the flu.

There Will Be No More F***ing in the Village of F***ing

The village of Fucking in Austria (Quick disclaimer: I didn't name the village, okay? It's real. And it's travel news. So don't go calling me "vulgar" or "lacking class" or anything. At least I blurred the picture.) is fed up with the amount of sex that occurs within their awkwardly named confines.

After all, when you name a village the vulgar word for engaging in sexual activity, you have to assume that tourists will travel to said village to partake in intercourse in front of the sign for your village. Which is, naturally, exactly what tourists have been doing. So the village-folk are combating their actions by installing video cameras.

That's right -- a group of villagers in a obscenely (albeit only American, really) named area of the world are sick and tired of a bunch of voyeuristic tourists making that sweet, sweet love in front of their fence. And their answer is, again, installing video cameras.

Now, in case you missed the entire premise of this article, the people that the villagers are sick of WANT TO RECORD THEIR INTERCOURSE. They want to. So, unless you have a police officer ready to arrest these folks, these video cameras are going to be utterly and totally useless. Unless the village is trying to assemble the greatest collection of porn every known to man. Then, this is a good idea.

Gadling Via Digg

American Airlines Raises Checked Baggage Fees ... Again

American Airlines has been squeezing consumers out of money recently (although to be fair, what airline hasn't been trying to get more money for pedantic services?) vis a vis checked baggage charges.

I actually checked a bag for the first time in freaking forever when I went to Chicago two weeks ago and, well, good Lord: It's absolutely insane that you have to pay $15 to stow your bag in the belly of an airplane for which you have already paid $300 to fly on. Good news is, you won't have to pay $15 any more. Now it's $20!

Yup, that's right: an additional $5 per bag when you check your luggage. How wonderful. In case anyone's curious, yes, this is precisely what leads to that jerk behind you stuffing your bag further bag into the compartment with his "carry-on" which weighs roughly 600 pounds.

Blue Footed Boobies Are So Not NSFW

God bless you, Galapagos Islands and Blue Footed Boobies for allowing me to sit at my work computer and stare at boobies. Because, really, it's not very often you can look at boobies while you're sitting at work, right? On the serious tip, their mating dance is awesome.

British Airways Pretends to Battle Swine Flu

Sure it sounds like a good idea. The motivation behind it could even be applauded. Some might say, "They're just trying to keep passengers healthy."

Except that they're not, and they can't, and it may be the travel industry's worst idea of 2009 (aside from the galactically stupid Pet Airways).

British Airways recently announced that passengers displaying the symptoms of swine flu will be turned away at check-in and asked to provide a doctor's note saying they are fit to fly.

There are a whole list of reasons this is a terrible idea, so let's just take it from the top:

(1) The people at the check-in counter are qualified to diagnose H1N1? Are you serious? The airline claims check-in workers have been trained to identify the disease by looking for the following symptoms: headaches, runny noses and sore throats. F*cking Brilliant.

(2) What's to keep someone from contracting the virus AFTER they visit a doctor? Is there some magic germ-barrier that surrounds people holding "fit-to-fly notes"?

(3) Apparently all the MDs in Britain were just sitting around waiting for something to do. So naturally, they need a few thousand extra patients seeking signatures and smiley faces over a head cold. I'm sure they'll appreciate the fact that the referrals came from the medical experts at the AIRPORT CHECK-IN DESK.

(4) Finally, they really want to do this for the swine flu? Come on. Every single year the world loses between 200,000 and 500,000 people to the flu. Just the regular old flu, for which, we already have a vaccine. It's not that H1N1 doesn't matter, but people need to have a little perspective...

And apparently British Airways will not be providing that perspective. Instead they've opted to exploit people's irrational fears with an ignorant and backwards policy that will do nothing to halt the spread of a relatively unalarming disease. Cheers.

Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris Named 'Worst Airport to Sleep In'

Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris was named the "Worst Airport to Sleep In" by SleepingInAirports.net, a site which seems pretty determined to cover one very niche subject. (Seriously though, that's an awesome name; how did someone already have the dot-com there?)

There are a TON of reasons why de Gaulle is listed by the site's readers as the worst airport, but this is probably my favorite (if only because, well, being propositioned multiple times while traveling seems like the worst possible thing that could happen to anyone who wasn't seeking a sexual encounter.)

"I was propositioned not once but twice by the same man asking me for casual sex, which was understandably a little frightening for a lone 20 year old woman wandering the airport at night"

Yeah, so that's beyond creepy -- you can almost guarantee that it's some older dude with a weird accent too. Crazy foreigners!

Seriously though, de Gaulle is listed on the site as a "must-read" because it's so bad, which kind of amazes me, given the other airports listed, especially Los Angeles Airport and O'Hare, two places I've visited recently, and two places that are gross.

O'Hare is significantly better than LAX, I guess, but still, not great. And LAX just made me want to vomit the entire time I was there; for such a posh (theoretically anyway) city to rock out such a shoddy place for its visitors to see on the way in/out is almost inexcusable.

I'd also like to take a moment and point out that, although it would never be mentioned because it's not really a "major" airport despite being international, PTI in Greensboro, NC, which is where I generally fly out of, is just awful. 90% of the filth/smell of PTI is because up until about five years ago, you could smoke in there, but still, just not a fun place to sleep.

Sears Tower Name Change Official: Welcome to Willis Tower

On the somewhat terrifying -- and certainly earpopping -- ride back down from the Sears Tower Ledge, myself and several others in the crammed elevator noticed that the term "Willis Tower" was being thrown around. This was no surprise as a Sears Tower name change had been previously tossed around.

However, it seemed safe to say that Chicago natives wouldn't warm up to that idea, no more than renaming Wrigley Field "The Tribune Stadium at Wrigleyville" or something silly like that. But, it appears as if the new owners of America's tallest building are going ahead with the renaming process and as of this Thursday, the Sears Tower will be no more.

Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the WILLIS TOWER. Cue the angry mob of Chicago natives demanding that they get to keep their piece of history in addition to the "What you talking about Willis?" jokes. Sigh.

Man Overcomes Fear of Heights in Worst Way Possible: the Sears Tower Ledge

And yes, that "man" = "me." So you know you're in for some excitement. Or, instead of "excitement", how about "watching a grown man terrified of heights to the point that he is somehow impressed he didn't lose a bowel/start crying while standing out on a 4.5 foot glass ledge 103 stories above the ground"? Does that work? Excellent. Because I was in Chicago last week and managed -- thanks to the kind folks at the Sears Tower Skydeck -- to summon the courage to walk onto THE LEDGE, the new addition to one of the world's biggest buildings.

Basking Shark Washes Ashore on Long Island [Video]

A giant basking shark, 20 feet in length, washed ashore Long Island today. The shark appears to be dying due to some kind of illness, according to Tracy Marcus of Cornell Cooperative Extension, because there are no wounds on the shark's body. And please remember people: basking sharks are not great white sharks and they are not considered dangerous, so no shark jokes, please. They have feelings too.

Man Plunges to Death at Grand Canyon Near Thunderbird Lodge and El Tovar Hotel

The Thunderbird Lodge and the El Tovar Hotel near the Grand Canyon in Arizona are usually wonderful places to stay, but they handled a pretty morbid scene early Monday morning as a motorist plunged 600 feet to his death after driving his car over the South Rim of the Grand Canyon.

According to an AP report, the body and car were found below the South Rim and there is currently an investigation underway by the National Parks Service.

Obviously our condolences go out to the family and friends of the as-yet-unnamed gentleman who passed in this accident. However -- and I, in all honesty, mean absolutely zero disrespect here -- it might at least be worth pointing out that, provided he wasn't drunk and/or passed out at the time of his crossing over the edge of the South Rim, that is one hell of a way to leave this world.

Southwest Airlines Hole in Airplane Forces Emergency Landing [Photo]

A hole in a Southwest Airlines' Flight 2294 -- apparently the size of a football -- caused the passenger jet, headed for Baltimore, Maryland, to make an emergency landing in West Virginia just under an hour after it left Nashville, Tennessee.

Just to clarify: this was a freaking FOOTBALL SIZED HOLE (you can see in the picture above, via Airline Biz at the DMN, who scored it from a passenger on the plane) in the freaking fuselage of the freaking airplane where the freaking passengers sit. Or, less dramatically:

"Nothing like this has ever happened before," airline spokeswoman Marilee McInnis said.

Okay, maybe that wasn't so much less dramatic, but still: you get what's going on here, right? In the middle of a flight, a big chunk of the airplane (I consider "big chunk" to equal "anything that causes the cabin to lose pressure immediately and require an emergency landing") ripped off.

Now, I won't go all Joe Biden on you and tell you not to think about traveling -- Southwest is always diligent with their customer service and remains one of my favorite airlines -- but I would caution against willy-nilly hopping aboard any of their 300 series 737's, which is what Flight 2294 was. At least until they go back through and inspect them all (which, apparently, they are going to do).

Some Airlines to Begin Adding First-Class Airbags in the Fall

Here's a crazy idea: come October 27, some airlines will begin adding airbags. On the surface, this seems pretty logical; after all, airbags have proven themselves as a beneficial safety feature in cars and, hey, who wouldn't like to feel a little bit safer when traveling 30,000 feet above the ground?

Of course, as always with airlines, there's a catch. Or two.

Starting this fall, all new airplanes will be required to have seats that will stay in place when subjected to stresses up to 16 times the force of gravity. The old seats had to meet stresses of only nine times the force of gravity. And, in a safety measure borrowed from automobiles, some seats will be equipped with air bags.

[...] The new rules have taken effect gradually. Airplane models introduced after 1988 were required to have the new seats, known as “16g” seats. So planes like the Boeing 777 and the swarm of new regional jets all have them. But older models that were still in production were not required to have the seats.

Of course, that's not the best catch of all, though! What's not mentioned in my selection of blockquotes from the Times article is that these airbags are going to be -- if I understand everything correctly -- implemented in first-class seats only.

Which is awesome, obviously. Why? Because people with more money deserve to be safer than anyone else. Or, alternately, not at all -- the really impressive thing would be for the airlines to just pony up and start making all the seats in all the airlines more safe ... since, you know, everyone's supposed to be equal and what-not.

And don't get me wrong -- I understand the inherent problem here: airbags in airplanes aren't going to keep people from dying 90% of the time. When you crash from six miles in the air, you die most of the time, regardless of an inflatable bag opening up in your face. But in terms of skids off the runway and "smaller" crashes, this is a fantastic idea. It's just too bad it won't help anyone but the rich people.

Whitetail Resort To Help in Skinny Dip Record

At 3pm this coming Saturday, July 11th, Virginia's Whitetail Resort will help set the skinny dipping world record. The resort is participating in Guinness World Record's Largest Skinny-Dip Across North America.

The event has been organized by the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR). First of all, how awesome is it that we live in a country where such a group exists? Secondly, thank GOD they decided to choose swimming. Can you imagine the Largest Nude Flag Football Game Across America? How about Ultimate Frisbee?

We all owe a big "thank you" to the dedicated men and women who made sure thousands of American's will visit various resorts this weekend, strip naked and jump into water for basically no reason. Cheers.

If you're interested in showing your support, first-time nudists are encouraged to join in the event. Just bring a photo ID and show up early to get registered.

Dave Carroll's 'United Breaks Guitars' Music Video Is a Huge Hit

Normally, airlines can get away with treating customers like crap. Why? It's the 800-pound gorilla thing. Or the capitalistic thing. But every now and then, when someone like, hypothetically, United Airlines breaks, say, Dave Carroll's Taylor Guitar, the little man fights back. That's exactly what Dave Carroll did with his freaking awesome "United Breaks Guitars" song. And it's only Part 1 -- with over 120,000 views so far on YouTube, one would think United might be shopping for some six-stringers right now.

Disney World Monorail Crash Video

The following is an amateur video taken at Disney World following a recent Monorail crash. The person filming the crash is kicked out by park authorities because he/she is too close to the accident immediately after it occured. Please do not watch the video if the idea of seeing the accident is frightening to you at all and remember that we are only reporting the news and that our thoughts and prayers go out to all of those people on the train.

US Airways Flight Diverted After Passenger Strips Naked and Goes Crazy Mid Flight

US Airways Flight 705, en route from Charlotte to Los Angeles, was diverted to New Mexico earlier this afternoon when a passenger stripped naked mid-flight and became "unruly" according to KRQE-TV.

The male passenger apparently removed all his clothes and began to run around the cabin naked; other passengers aboard the plane "helped to restrain the man until the plane could land."

Now, call me crazy or stupid or homophobic even, but if a dude strips totally naked and starts running around a plane I'm on, there's no chance I'm playing the Steven Seagal role. Or even the Kurt Russell "I'm kind of tough enough to save a plane but no one really believes" it role.

No sir-e-bob: I'm playing the Oliver Platt role which generally entails running to the bathroom and locking the door. Because, honestly folks, if a guy is naked, he poses no real threat (he's not a terrorist, clearly, and you can actually see that he has no weapons on his person, right?) to my immediate safety other than permanently harming my retinas.

So my advice to you: don't play the hero when some dude decides to eat an ounce of mushrooms (what? you have a better explanation?) before he hops on a six hour plane ride and then wigs out with only about an hour left on the ride and decides that clothes just became optional.

And yes, I can make these jokes because everyone is safe, the streaker is in FBI custody and the plane kept on moving to Los Angeles.

What a Volcano Looks Like Exploding From Space

From the Discovery blog via Digg is one of the cooler, albeit nauseating, videos I've ever seen. And while I may have just lost my breakfast on my desk, at least I know what a volcano exploding from outer space looks like.