Some Airlines to Begin Adding First-Class Airbags in the Fall

Here's a crazy idea: come October 27, some airlines will begin adding airbags. On the surface, this seems pretty logical; after all, airbags have proven themselves as a beneficial safety feature in cars and, hey, who wouldn't like to feel a little bit safer when traveling 30,000 feet above the ground?

Of course, as always with airlines, there's a catch. Or two.

Starting this fall, all new airplanes will be required to have seats that will stay in place when subjected to stresses up to 16 times the force of gravity. The old seats had to meet stresses of only nine times the force of gravity. And, in a safety measure borrowed from automobiles, some seats will be equipped with air bags.

[...] The new rules have taken effect gradually. Airplane models introduced after 1988 were required to have the new seats, known as “16g” seats. So planes like the Boeing 777 and the swarm of new regional jets all have them. But older models that were still in production were not required to have the seats.

Of course, that's not the best catch of all, though! What's not mentioned in my selection of blockquotes from the Times article is that these airbags are going to be -- if I understand everything correctly -- implemented in first-class seats only.

Which is awesome, obviously. Why? Because people with more money deserve to be safer than anyone else. Or, alternately, not at all -- the really impressive thing would be for the airlines to just pony up and start making all the seats in all the airlines more safe ... since, you know, everyone's supposed to be equal and what-not.

And don't get me wrong -- I understand the inherent problem here: airbags in airplanes aren't going to keep people from dying 90% of the time. When you crash from six miles in the air, you die most of the time, regardless of an inflatable bag opening up in your face. But in terms of skids off the runway and "smaller" crashes, this is a fantastic idea. It's just too bad it won't help anyone but the rich people.

Air New Zealand's 'Bare Essentials' Campaign Is Just Awkward

Everyone wants to be viral these days. So you can imagine a bunch of Air New Zealand PR folks sitting around a conference room, tapping their pencils, pounding Bud Light Foster's and thinking, "How can we go viral?" Naturally, the answer is the "Bare Essentials" campaign, which involves the basic tenants of air safety ... only it's made HILARIOUS by the fact that these attendants have their uniforms painted on. One problem: this is only sexy when it happens in the SI Swimsuit issue. The idea of having my knee jacked by the drink cart, wincing and then looking as an attendant walks past me only this time there's NO uniform involved, well, color me shuddered.

Mark Malkoff Spends Month on AirTran to Overcome Fear of Flying

The fear of flying is a perfectly acceptable one (and there's nothing wrong with being afraid of rollercoasters, OKAY?). But life, often, is about overcoming fears. Which is exactly why Mark Malkoff, a 33-year-old comedian and filmmaker, is living on AirTran planes for the next thirty days: he wants out of the dark shadow of fear.

This isn't some publicity stunt either (as far as I can tell): Malkoff seems to legitimately want to get over this fear of flying ... how else can you reasonably explain him taking a shower in an airplane.

In fact, he's avoiding the airport, changing planes via the tarmac (the first hint that AirTran is obviously involved here) and doing push-ups and sprints in the aisles of the airplane for exercise.

Of course, my theory that he's not doing it as a publicity stunt could be shot down by the fact that he's Twittering/Facebooking the whole thing and has a website up about his experience: MarkonAirTran.com.

However, in this day and age, if you do anything remotely resembling a 30-day excursion on a slew of various airplanes, you should probably consider creating a blog about the experience; it's the modern-day, electronic version of a journal, and there's always the chance that some PR firm (say, hypothetically, um, AirTran's???) could pick up on the experience and offer to cop you for the flights -- which, I would presume, is what the airline is doing in this case.

Mark's obviously no stranger to that experience either; he's done previous "projects" like "Mark Lives in IKEA" where he lived in an IKEA store for 30 days and "171 Starbucks" where he visited 171 Manhattan Starbucks in one day. So, yeah, he gets this viral stuff.

Plus, this is the type of story that everyone loves (hence this posting) and in a world where people get famous for doing stupid things on YouTube, there's always a free 15 minutes to be had out there -- it's pretty obvious that Malkoff figured out exactly how to get his.

(Picture via Mark's fantastic Flickr stream. If that's not cool, email me and I'll swap, sir.)

JetAmerica Offering $9 Airplane Tix

Airplanes typically tend to favor bigger markets; this is an obvious economic trend based on the fact that more people and more money reside in said markets.

But just like .OBP was ignored for years in baseball (see Michael Lewis' Moneyball), the large-market trending of airlines creates a value void of sorts: which is exactly why JetAmerica is offering $9 airplane flights from various mid-size markets.

Clearwater, Fla.-based JetAmerica said 34 nonstop passenger flights a week will
start July 13 at Toledo, Ohio; South Bend, Ind.; Melbourne, Fla.; Newark, N.J.;
Minneapolis and Lansing, Mich. Twenty-eight flights start or end at Newark
Liberty International Airport. The carrier will add six more flights — from
Toledo to Minneapolis — starting Aug. 14.

And the reason they're flying into places like this is that, as mentioned above, the mid-size markets have been ignored. Oh, that and they're getting subsidies from the various geographical locations in order to provide service there for cheap, cheap rates.

Yes, the word "subsidy" sends a shiver down my spine too, but remember, these are coming from the airfields themselves. It's not some awkward GM/Big Tobacco situation.

Airlines Eye New Seats to Save Weight, Accidentally Satisfy Passengers

While the current economic crisis has left countless people jobless or underwater with worthless mortgages, there is one group that may benefit from the downturn: air travelers.

Generally speaking, money (whether high in the black or deep in the red) is the main driver behind change in a business. Fortunately for air travelers, they may get to reap a few unexpected benefits. To cut costs in these trying times, airlines have begun exploring new seat designs.

Currently, airline seats weigh between 24 and 33 pounds a piece and sport backs that are roughly 3 inches thick. New seat designs aim to reduce costs by reducing weight and potentially, allowing more seats to fit on each plane.

Thankfully for airline passengers, there could be unexpected benefits to the new designs. Nearly all new seat models offer more personal space and they accomplish it in a variety of ways. Some include better footrests, some have a hard shell back that never moves and floating cushions that slide down and forwards when the passenger reclines.

Perhaps the most creative concept are the staggered seats (shown above) by Thompson Aero Seating. The unique design eliminates the competition for elbow and shoulder room without reducing the number of seats. Even the most economical of the new seats, a slender 20-pound model made for short haul flights, still offers 4 and a 1/2 extra inches of shin and leg room compared to current economy seating.

The bottom line: airlines have finally found a way to save money that doesn't involve an extra charge, and they may improve passenger experience in the process.

Chubby Flier Rules Now in Effect at United

In Canada, obese people, or "fatties" if you will, are given the privilege an additional seat for the price of one, if they simply cannot fit in one seat. That won't be the case with anyone flying United Airlines though, because the company announced late last week that obese folks are required to buy a second ticket.

There's literally zero chance this doesn't a) end up in a court or b) cause some sort of really awkward domestic disturbance. Why? Just listen to the procedure.

As of Wednesday, passengers too large to fit comfortably in a coach seat may be required to buy a second ticket or upgrade to business class, where seats are larger -- if United's flight attendants can't find two open seats for them.

In other words, yes, this encounter could occur after said large person is on the plane, which is just beginning for a scene from Meet the Parents, only ... bigger. OR, alternately, a flight attendant could stop a large person on their way into the plane and ask them to purchase an additional ticket, only to have that person explain they're not that fat. (Hilarity/debate ensues, obviously.)

Personally, I'm fine with this policy. While it may seem somewhat discriminatory, it's a total and utter nightmare to end up sitting next to someone who does need two seats, and it's just an unfair way to spend a flight ... whereas having TWO seats is secretly kind of awesome.

Passenger Lands Plane After Pilot Dies

Disaster was averted in southern Florida on Sunday, April 12th, when a passenger successfully landed a twin-engine plane after the pilot died during the flight.

The Beechcraft King Air 200, a twin-engine charter plane, was carrying a total of six people and was on its way past 10,000 feet when the pilot suffered an apparent seizure.

One of the passengers on board was licensed to fly smaller, single-engine planes, but had no experience with larger twin-engine planes.

Amazingly, one of the air traffic controller's friends had extensive experience flying Beechcraft King Air 200s. The air traffic controller relayed information from the friend in Connecticut to the passenger at the controls in order to bring the plane down safely.

The flight originated from Marco Island Executive Airport and was bound for Jackson, Mississippi. Rather than continuing to Jackson, the plane was redirected to the closest nearby airport, Southwest Florida International Airport. In accordance with FAA policy, none of the names of passengers, the controllers, or the pilot have been released at this time.

While the pilot's death is a tragedy, it is amazing that such a potentially disastrous situation was avoided.

CNN Anchor Has, Um, Peanuts on the Mind

Just a warning, if potential Freudian slips involving multiple usages of the scientific word for male genitalia, consider this your "NSFW" warning. See, the CNN anchor in the video below was trying to talk about the outrage over "peanuts" on Northwest airline flights. Instead, she, um, well, yeah, let's just say that Georgia peanut farmers don't appreciate the stereotyping.

Free Southwest Wifi During Beta Testing

In case you didn't need another awesome reason to get out of your chair and hop on an airplane, Southwest announced today that their in-flight wireless internet connection will be FREE during their beta testing (via Gizmodo).

Operated by Westlake Village, Calif.-based technology firm Row 44, the new Wi-Fi system will be tested for "the next few months," the company said. 

"Internet connectivity has been high on our list of priorities for quite some time," says Dave Ridley, senior vice president of marketing for Southwest Airlines, in a statement. 

As it should be -- it's amazing to me how we've come so far, technologically speaking (we put a man on the moon, man!), yet wireless internet is not easily accessible on airplanes yet. 

But hey, one small step for mankind, right? At least this one's free.

Good News on US Airways: Pillows; Bad News: They're $7

Pillows and blankets on air travel are absolutely crucial, especially on longer flights. Airplanes know this, which is why they make them so gosh-darn hard to actually get a hold of (you have to be first on the plane, etc.)

But now, you can have all the pillows your head desires with the "Power-Nap Sack". It just costs seven bucks a piece.

Jackson said the sleep kit was an affordable way for passengers to increase their comfort while flying.

The kits include a 34-by-60-inch fleece blanket, a neck pillow, eye shades,foam ear plugs and a $10-off coupon for items in the SkyMall catalog. They come in a fleece drawstring bag embroidered with the airline's logo.

Oh, well, if there's an embroidered fleece drawstring bag, just forget I ever considered saying anything snarky about having to cough up $7 for this beautiful pile of airplane semi-rest.

Again, airplanes obviously make more money than me (no, seriously, even in bad quarters) so I'm not one to tell them how to run their business. But when it already costs $15 to check bags and then another $7 gets tacked on just to sleep in the already brutally uncomfortable airplane, well, I kind of tend to think there's a smarter, more consumer friendly way to handle all of this.