Air New Zealand's 'Bare Essentials' Campaign Is Just Awkward

Everyone wants to be viral these days. So you can imagine a bunch of Air New Zealand PR folks sitting around a conference room, tapping their pencils, pounding Bud Light Foster's and thinking, "How can we go viral?" Naturally, the answer is the "Bare Essentials" campaign, which involves the basic tenants of air safety ... only it's made HILARIOUS by the fact that these attendants have their uniforms painted on. One problem: this is only sexy when it happens in the SI Swimsuit issue. The idea of having my knee jacked by the drink cart, wincing and then looking as an attendant walks past me only this time there's NO uniform involved, well, color me shuddered.

Rapping Flight Attendant Opens Southwest LaGuardia Terminal

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. (Of course he is, right?) The "Rapping Flight Attendant," David Holmes, made famous by such national websites as CNN and PTG, was on hand to open up Southwest's new terminal in LaGuardia Sunday. Naturally, what ensued was good ole' fashioned hilarity and confused-looking, elderly CEO-types clapping to a beat they don't really understand. Good times! Seriously, shouldn't this guy have a record deal at this point? Or is Southwest just paying him so much money that he can't leave? I'm going with the latter.

Rapping Flight Attendant Takes World by Storm

Flight attendants, God bless their souls, are incredibly annoying. They don't seem to understand that we all hate the pre-flight instructions that we're wrung through every flight we take. David Holmes, Southwest Airlines steward, puts a different spin on things by rapping the entire pre-flight takeoff spiel. It's rather awesome.

And That's Why ... You Don't Carry 110 Pounds of Drugs in Your Luggage

There are countless ways -- so I'm told -- to smuggle drugs into the country. One of those, naturally, is the old standby: using your luggage. The additional "Jackie Brown" (or Rum Punch for Elmore Leonard aficionados) spin on this is simply getting a flight attendant to handle the smuggling for you.

They rarely get checked. Which typically makes this a more viable alternative than filling your shampoo bottle with an illegal substance. But when they do, well, things can get kind of ugly.

A South African Airways crew is free on bail in London after being questioned about drugs that were discovered in bags at Heathrow Airport.

British Revenue and Customs officials say three pilots and 12 flight attendants were taken into custody after 110 pounds of marijuana and eight pounds of cocaine worth more than $220,000 were found in three bags following a flight from Johannesburg to London.

That is, too paraphrase Led Zeppelin, a whole lotta drugs. (Ba-da-da-dump-dump-dump...) OK, but no, seriously, it is. It's like filling your entire travel pillow with chalkdust. That's illegal. Or stuffing your dog with pot and then trying to carry him through security. Or ... you know what? I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead.

In silver lining news, at least these flight attendents weren't on the U.S. Airways flight that landed in the Hudson. They'd be pulling a pretty shoddy profit margin right now.