According to the TSA, Hand Grenades Are 'Not Carry Ons'

Surely there's no reason why the TSA Blog (yes, they have one) needs to explain that hand grenades are not valid "carry-ons" right? Wrong!

They do. And they did -- yesterday in fact, when "Blogger Bob" of the "TSA Blog Team" outlined why grenades are not acceptable items for carrying on an airplane. Of course, most of the article focuses on the fact that people routinely bring different "novelty hand grenade items" into airports and onto airplanes.

So why is it such a big deal if the grenades are inert or just a novelty item? Well, that’s why passengers usually don’t think twice about bringing these items. They know inert grenades or novelty grenade shaped items can’t cause any harm. However, we don’t know that. All we see on the x-ray is a realistic image of a grenade complete with pin and spoon and we have to go through the motions.

People: stop being so stupid. Seriously. You (yes, you, guy with a belt buckle shaped like a hand grenade and the haircut that makes Joe Dirt look like Don Draper) seriously caused our government to pay Blogger Bob and the Team TSA $19.50 -- standard blog pay + government inflation -- because you won't stop walking into the airport with items shaped like hand grenades.

Typically, I am loathe to credit the TSA for anything (although I do have a long overdue story about a TSA agent in Boston who saved my computer's life that is forthcoming), but gracious. This is on the collective genius of the American people.

(Ed. Note: For those so persnickety about the spelling of grenades, please note we were using the Southern phonetic spelling. Thanks much.)

Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris Named 'Worst Airport to Sleep In'

Charles de Gaulle Airport in Paris was named the "Worst Airport to Sleep In" by SleepingInAirports.net, a site which seems pretty determined to cover one very niche subject. (Seriously though, that's an awesome name; how did someone already have the dot-com there?)

There are a TON of reasons why de Gaulle is listed by the site's readers as the worst airport, but this is probably my favorite (if only because, well, being propositioned multiple times while traveling seems like the worst possible thing that could happen to anyone who wasn't seeking a sexual encounter.)

"I was propositioned not once but twice by the same man asking me for casual sex, which was understandably a little frightening for a lone 20 year old woman wandering the airport at night"

Yeah, so that's beyond creepy -- you can almost guarantee that it's some older dude with a weird accent too. Crazy foreigners!

Seriously though, de Gaulle is listed on the site as a "must-read" because it's so bad, which kind of amazes me, given the other airports listed, especially Los Angeles Airport and O'Hare, two places I've visited recently, and two places that are gross.

O'Hare is significantly better than LAX, I guess, but still, not great. And LAX just made me want to vomit the entire time I was there; for such a posh (theoretically anyway) city to rock out such a shoddy place for its visitors to see on the way in/out is almost inexcusable.

I'd also like to take a moment and point out that, although it would never be mentioned because it's not really a "major" airport despite being international, PTI in Greensboro, NC, which is where I generally fly out of, is just awful. 90% of the filth/smell of PTI is because up until about five years ago, you could smoke in there, but still, just not a fun place to sleep.

Blogger Trashed By Long Beach City Council Members

Brett Snyder, the author of the popular aviation blog The Cranky Flier, was trashed in the media by Long Beach city council members after accurately reporting his interview with Jet Blue CEO Dave Barger.

It seems Jet Blue had intended to base its west coast hub at the Long Beach airport, but had become so frustrated with the slow pace of improvements that they were considering backing out and choosing a different location. This is not surprising news. Large scale construction projects get delayed all the time, and airport improvements are notoriously finished behind schedule.

However, it was surprising news to Long Beach Mayor Bob Foster and other city council members who were first hearing of Jet Blue's frustration after Snyder's blog story was picked up by the LA Times and the Long Beach Press-Telegram.

Rather than responding to Jet Blue or to the construction companies involved, the Long Beach Mayor instead decided to publicly state:

"We should not take blogs as professional journalism, and the professional journalists should take that as well."

Not to be outdone by the mayor, Councilwoman Gerrie Schipske also decided to publicly embarrass herself by saying:

"I do think that the reporting of the comment that was, by the way, leaked directly from somebody at JetBlue to the blogger and then sent directly to the Press-Telegram and the District Weekly . . . I think the reporting was irresponsible."

At this point there are plenty of ways Gerrie's out-of-touch and uninformed comments could be critiqued. But Brett Snyder said it best himself:

The comment was not leaked by anyone at JetBlue. I was invited to have a one-on-one sit down interview with CEO Dave Barger himself at the Phoenix Aviation Symposium... Everything you read came directly from him.

It doesn’t matter if this was written on a bathroom wall. It came directly from the CEO of the largest airline at this airport. Does it really do any good to try to discredit blogs or traditional media in the process? No. It also shows that they’re quite out of touch with the current state of reporting. There are many reputable blogs and discrediting them with a blanket statement like that will most certainly not serve them well.

Full Body Scans at Airports Seem Creepy, Show Underwear

There's absolutely nothing worse than the security line at an airport. Because of the events surrounding 9/11, it is completely impossible to slide through in any sort of expedient manner. However, the notion that airports could introduce "full body scanners" (yes, Total Recall style) might speed things up. 

Or make things really, really awkward.

The new technology, developed by New York based L3 Communications, has raised concerns after it was revealed that underwear is visible in the scans.

The scan blurs out the face of the passenger, and the image is not stored. However, the American Civil Liberties Union said the body scanning technology could be too intrusive as it could project images of mastectomies and catheter tubes.

Yeah, so, really, there's no reason to get this party started ... unless you're really, really thrilled about the prospect of seeing someone heavily embarrassed every time you get in line at the airport.

And yes, that might actually be kind of fun, but at the same time, this (currently voluntary) test is almost guaranteed to actually slow things down, even if it manages to somehow make airports safer.

Weirdest Items Seized by Customs

The New York Daily News was kind enough to create a nifty little slideshow of the craziest items seized by customs officials at New York area airports.

The list, which contains lots of things related to narcotics, is pretty amusing, if only because you get to see how people tried to smuggle illegal things into the country. Naturally, anytime someone stuffs dead pigeons in their pants, though, it's going to be the most amusing thing. And remind me of GOB.

Pilot Gets Angry at Airport Security, Exposes Himself

Airport security is frustrating. There's a pleasant mix of incompetence on both sides (I've actually seen a woman try to walk through a metal detector talking on her cell phone before) that causes unbelievable delays in getting through to the airport.

For pilots though, it's usually not a big deal. They walk right through, usually (right??). Not the guy in charge of captaining a flight out of London City Aiport this week though. He was asked to take his shoes and belt off like everyone else and he did not respond, um, well.

“He pulled down his trousers and pants to completely expose himself, then turned to the security guard and asked angrily, ‘Do you want to search this?’”

Wow. That's not an awkward scene at all. Mercifully, it went down at the East London's terminal downstairs, which is apparently not used by the public, so no children were harmed in the indecent public exposure incident. 

For whatever reason, The Sun doesn't have the pilot's name in the report, only the flight he was on, but it's pretty safe to say that he won't be cruising the friendly skies anytime soon.

Woman 'Slightly Upset' Over Missing Flight [Video]

I've missed a flight or two in my day. I've also had a Jolt Cola or two in my day. But I've never had those two events occur simultaneously on a single day. But if they did, I think the following video of a lady at the Hong Kong airport, after missing her flight, would be a close approximation of what might happen. (There is aggressive shouting in the following video, those of you with speakers and no office privacy.)

Kennel to Open in Dallas Fortworth Airport

Earlier this week the Dallas/Fortworth International Airport board comittee approved plans for a kennel to be constructed inside the airport.

Called, "McKee's Pet Place," the establishment isn't just going to be a place to stash your pooch or kitty. The kennel has been described as a "luxury suite" for dogs and runs US$40 per night.

The main appeal will be the hours: the new Pet Place will be open 24 hours so you can snag your pet at any time. One of the frustrations with a lot of pet boarding is snagging your pet before closing time.

If you'd rather travel with your pet than board it, take a look at our Hotels for Dogs list. Written by a dog-lover and Professional Travel Guide editor, the list offers the inside scoop on the best cities and hotels to visit with your four-legged friend.

Tricks of the Trade: How to Upgrade Your Airline Seat

Ramsey Qubein is Travelin' Light's on-the-road correspondent.

Scoring an award seat with frequent flyer miles can seem like a crap shoot, but it is more like a scientific experiment. Most airlines prefer that you visit their web sites to make your award reservations, but the secret to bagging an award is calling the airline directly. But, calling the airline without a plan is useless. Passengers are still charged with finding the seat online and then coaxing the agent into finding and reserving the seat on their behalf as most partner carriers cannot be booked online.

Numerous tools are available to the savvy traveler depending on the airline alliance with which one is traveling. For travelers on SkyTeam, visit www.nwa.com/jp to search for expanded award availability and then for Star Alliance, one can visit ANA (All Nippon Airways) www.ana.com and sign up for their frequent flyer program. Once a member, the airline offers award availability for most Star Alliance carriers with the notable exception of Swiss International Airlines and United Airlines.

By doing a bit of homework before calling the airline, award seats are easy to snag if one is flexible with dates and routings. Plus when airlines launch a new route, it is more likely that they will offer increased award availability on it as it catches hold with the traveling public. So don’t fret, your award miles are not useless. They offer incredible potential if one is willing to do some advance preparation and pay the small fee incurred to book over the phone.

Berlin's Tegel Airport Finally Cleaning up bombs from WWII

German officials have announced plans to clear Berlin's Tegel Airport of all remaining WWII bombs and explosives. The announcement comes a mere 63 years, 7 months, and 23 days after Germany's formal surrender to the Allied Forces.

There are so many explosives - bombs and grenades - that litter the ground around Tegel Airport that more than 500 sites will be excavated to finally make it safe for passenger jets if they stray off the tarmac.

Berlin's Senator for Urban Development, Ingeborg Junge-Reyer declined to comment on the threat posed by the deadly relics.

All told, around 2.7 million tons of explosives were dropped on Germany during WWII. While it is inevitable that some of those explosives remain in the ground, do you think at some point they might have checked heavily trafficked, publicly-used areas like airports? What was their contingency plan if a passenger plane skidded off the runway, a-la the Fedex flight in Lubbock today?

We could have written something into the Marshall Plan about dropping bomb-sniffing dogs before the planes passed over the wall into East Berlin, but I guess there was an assumption that German efficiency would naturally address unstable explosives strewn around commercial runways. Apparently, however, they were too busy conquering the automotive industry to engineer a few metal detectors.

Lemme, Lemme Upgrade: 'Premium Economy' Is the New 'First Class'

You know that Seinfeld episode where Jerry tells Elaine, "I've flown first class, Elaine - I can't go back to coach. I can't... I won't"? It's funny, because it's true.

However, in this wonderful economic climate, sometimes first class just isn't an option. Which is why airlines are creating the wonder that is 'premium economy'.

Several airlines, mostly foreign, have reconfigured their long-haul aircraft in recent months to offer seats that are 5 inches to 8 inches longer in pitch — the distance between the seat back to the seat behind — and about 1 inch to 4 inches wider than coach seats. Some airlines also provide better food, wine, noise-canceling headphones and priority boarding. The fee to upgrade to premium economy can range from $30 to $2,000 round trip, depending on the distance and services. But seats are also hundreds or thousands of dollars cheaper than flying in business or first class.

The profit margin for the airlines -- Virgin, United, British and JetBlue are among the carriers joining this trend -- is pretty insane too; JetBlue portends to bring in an extra $40 million by simply adding five inches of legroom for a few rows of passengers.

As for the cost itself, oftentimes it depends on the flight. JetBlue's NYC to Tokyo flight can run an extra $1,200 for the upgrade (although perks such as a personal television, dank headphones and lounge access are included) while United's only asking $15 for the bonus from Chicago to Denver.

In other words, just don't bring any luggage, and it'll seem like it's free.

Hiroshi Nohara's Mexico City Airport Run Has Ended

Hiroshi Nohara -- the Japanese tourist who made media waves by spending three months in an airport -- has called the dogs off and returned home, MSNBC reports. That's right. The man who gripped the hearts of millions thousands hundreds many with his lengthy stay in a Mexico City airport will no longer be the focus of our daily lives.

Airport spokesman Victor Mejia says Hiroshi Nohara left Monday on a flight for Japan via San Francisco.

Nohara arrived in Mexico City on Sept. 2 and spent the next three months at a food court in Terminal 1 of Benito Juarez International Airport.

His residency there made him a local celebrity and Mexican news programs ran regular updates on his life.

Nohara left the airport on Dec. 31 to stay with a woman who invited him to her Mexico City apartment. But Reforma newspaper reported that Nohara returned to the airport on Sunday carrying three plastic bags with his clothes and blankets.

Isn't it absolutely awesome (both in the "cool" and "terrifying" sense) that we live in a day and age where you can become a celebrity by living in a Mexican airport for three months?

I mean, back in the day you had to act like Pauley Shore or Andy Dick and engage in publicly showcased stupidity. Now? Just sleep in another country's airport for a few months. Fantastic.

Newark Airport Is Going to Trust the Googles and Start Using Satellites to Land Planes

Landing planes is a serious business. That's why so many people -- from the pilot to the guys with the bright orange glowing thunder stick things to the people I presume live up in the tower and tell the planes where to go -- are involved in the process.

But Newark Airport is going to take a bold step towards the future and decide to trust technology when it comes to guiding these huge winged chunks of metal onto a tiny concrete strip by implementing satellite technology.

The new technology, known as the Ground Based Augmentation System (GBAS), will enable planes to fly closer together and land more efficiently, without affecting safety, said the port authority. The new technology is particularly beneficial when planes are landing in low-visibility conditions, added the airport operator.

Radar is inefficient at busy airports because of the length of spacing necessary between planes, the port authority said.

And in doing so, it will cost only ... $2.5 million! Actually, that's kind of a steal -- provided there's no government bailout involved. On the same note though, do any of us really want less space between planes, simply based on the principle of trying to be "more efficient" (read: make more money for the airlines while pretending to be consumer friendly)? Because as much as I like getting places faster, I'm not a huge fan of rear ending another airplane. So, yeah, note to self: don't fly through Newark for the next 75 years.

FareFinder: Continental.com discounts make Weekend Warriors happy

Continental.com offers special eDeals on its Web site for weekend travelers, and depending on your preferred destination, there are some good airfares to be had directly from the airline.

Continental offers Saturday through Monday/Tuesday tickets on the cheap roundtrips for selected cities each week, mostly traveling out of the their main hub in Newark, which also serves the New York City region and Houston, with a majority of these fares falling in the $119 to $179 range.

This week's specials include:

Houston to West Palm for $179
Newark, NJ to Montreal for $128
Houston to New Orleans for $119
Newark, NJ to Greensboro for $119

There are about two dozen deals this week, which change on a weekly basis, so keep an eye out, but as always, Farefinder will keep you updated when more hot deals come down the pipeline.

Japanese guy loves Mexico a little too much

My wife absolutely hated The Terminal. I mean, she wanted to walk out of the movie when we went to see it. Apparently, Hiroshi Nohara loved the movie so much, he decided to live it.

Nohara (aka, guy who apparently doesn't have a job back home) has been parked in the Benito Juarez International Airport for the last two and a half months living off donations. Why, you may ask? Well, the answer doesn't reside with Nohara.

"I don't understand why I'm here," he said through a visiting interpreter originally hired by a television station. "I don't have a reason."

There are the obvious drawbacks of living life in a Mexico City airport terminal, but at least he could've squatted in Terminal 1, with its Dunkin' Donuts, Cinnabon, 7-Eleven and Burger King. I know I could probably survive at least 120 days on some DD coffee, Whoppers and Slushees. Oh well, at least he can munch on Papa John's and Sbarro in T2.

Image from AP

Hawaiian Air scoffs at economy

Called it shrewd or call it stupid, but Hawaiian Air is continuing to make huge investments in an already shaky industry.

Hawaii's largest airline is getting another big-boy Airbus to add to its fleet after already purchasing two, which are to be delivered in 2010. These big-boys will be able to fly non-stop from the Big Island to every major airport in North America and parts of eastern Asia, making the inevitable layover in Los Angeles a soon-to-be thing of the past.

Mark Dunkerley, Hawaiian's president and CEO, said, "These commitments to
increasing the size of our fleet and to bringing the new aircraft to Hawaii two
years earlier than planned deepen Hawaiian's already substantial investment in
our home state and its economy."

Now only if that home state economy would cooperate. According to recent reports, the state experienced a 10% drop in visitors during 2008, and those that are coming are spending less. That same report, offered by the state's Department of Business, Economic Development and Tourism (that's a mouthful), predicts further drops in '09.

As long as Hawaiian can weather the economic storm next year (no sure thing with airlines nowadays), it could be putting itself in a great position for the future. If the new big-boys can help the company reduce costs (and they just might with increased seating capacity and improved fuel efficiency that the Airbus is supposed to provide), the company could come out looking like geniuses. Currently, Continental is the only airline to fly non-stop to The Land of Pineapples.

Now only if they could do something about that 9.5 hour flight time from PTG v.2 HQ. Maybe a Mad Max triple feature?

Image from Hawaii Magazine

Southwest Buys $7.5 Mil Worth of LaGuardia Landing Spots, Which Is Called 'Making a Statement'

It's no secret at all that the economy is currently "not good". Such circumstances make it tough for businesses to break even -- I feel like driving down the road I see 'Going Out of Business Sale!' signs littering the curbs -- much less prosper.

And the airline business has been hit up a little bit too. But apparently, that's not stopping Southwest Airlines, who announced today that they have purchased $7.5 million worth of landing spots at LaGuardia Airport in New York City from ATA Airlines.

"It is our intent, with the successful conclusion of the transaction, to make plans to initiate service from LaGuardia," said Southwest CEO Gary Kelly. "Even in this volatile environment, we have said we must monitor the competitive landscape and take advantage of prudent market opportunities."

And yes, technically Southwest did purchase ATA (now bankrupt) as a whole. But they seem to have zero interest in actually acquiring anything other than the landing spots, which says something pretty stout about their play in this tough market.

Southwest has clearly been marketing themselves as an airline that doesn't tack on surcharges to customers for baggage check-in, reservations by phone, non-refundable ticket refunds or curbside check-in.

So, yeah, couple their "consumer-first" attitude with this strong financial push to wedge themselves in a major market means that SW understands people are going to keep flying -- there's no better time to travel than now, actually. And by locking themselves into a major spot in one of the world's biggest airports, they appear at least poised to take a run at the "Big Three" of Delta, U.S. Airways and American.

Flight Attendent Casually Steps Up and Helps Steer Air Canada Flight Into Heathrow

You know how in the movies there's always some crazy scenario that ends up involving a pilot getting shot or having a heart attack, etc. and then another member of the crew or a passenger (usually Kurt Russell or a svelte Leslie Neilson type) steps up and helps to land the plane under hard-fought, miraculous circumstances?

Well, that's why movies are awesome, because that stuff never happens in real life. Except on an Air Canada flight, where the co-pilot had a nervous breakdown/psychotic meltdown and a flight attendant had to step in and help land that puppy.

The flight attendant was temporarily promoted to the cockpit after the captain of the Air Canada service ordered his colleague to be handcuffed and dragged from his seat.

The flight attendant, a qualified commercial pilot, came forward after the captain asked the 155 passengers and crew if there were any professional pilots onboard.

The unnamed attendant sat in the co-pilot's seat of the Boeing 767-333 jet as the Toronto to Heathrow service was diverted to Ireland's Shannon airport on January 28.

Now, obviously this didn't happen yesterday, but it's my understanding that the news is being revealed via the ongoing investigation by the Irish Air Accident Investigation Unit.

It's kind of amazing that all of this somehow managed to stay totally under the radar until now (I know I would have been flapping my gums about it), but still not nearly as amazing as this scenario actually going down in real life. The lesson, of course, is that Air Canada's service is second only to Ryanair's.

Via Digg

President Bush Takes Action to Ease the Hassle of Turkey Day Travel

Interesting -- and extremely helpful -- news out of the White House relating to travel has emerged this week: President Bush plans on issuing some sort of stra-tegery type memorandums that should make getting where you need to go on Thanksgiving a whole heck of a lot easier.

The marquee item in his strategy for reducing air traffic congestion during the busy Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday seasons is the temporary opening of airspace typically dedicated to the military to commercial airliners. Last year, the Pentagon freed up two East Coast corridors during Thanksgiving; Bush said that was being expanded this year to also include the Mideast, the Southwest and the West Coast, including the skies around Los Angeles and Phoenix.

[...]A lot of our citizens are nervous about travel,” Bush said in remarks before hundreds of employees at the Department of Transportation. “They are saying ‘Will traveling home for the holidays be a wonderful life or will it be the nightmare before Christmas?”

Bad movie puns aside, that's tremendously helpful news ... you would think. Certainly more airspace = less congestion = more flights on time = more time nursing the gravy bowl. Right? Perhaps not.

A National Air Traffic Controllers Association (Really? There's one of those?) spokesman pointed out that all the huff and puff surrounding these announcements really only serves to make citizens think that there's a lot of efficiency being processed through the national travel network, when the reality is that it makes very little difference.